Good Morning — Monday Minute! Get your news of the week this week now!
Good morning! Today is June 16, 2025, and you’re listening to the Monday Minute.
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I’d like to begin this morning by acknowledging that yesterday was Father’s Day and in the spirit of our Mother’s Day episode, I will read an original poem for all the fathers out there.
To all the boys been called a “laddy,”
Or made to carry clubs, a caddy –
Just know that some day,
With your troubles away,
That you’ll be the one they call “Daddy.”
Now, without further delay – let’s get to the news of the week!
In politics, the Trump parade has come and gone, and the President is still not hard.
In culture, Dua Lipa has gotten engaged and what is there to dream anymore?
In sports, the NBA series final is all tied up, which is also, coincidentally, Sabrina Carpenter’s next album cover.
Moving very quickly past that tiptoe into social commentary, it’s time for the weather – with this week’s guest reporter: a Southern Lawyer.
SOUTHERN LAWYER: Thank you, Your Honor. Now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, why are we gathered here today? What is it that brings us together? Because, sure as a Grindr in a gay bar, this ain’t no Sunday picnic. Now, some of you might say, we’re here to predict the weather. And, you wouldn’t be wrong. But, I must ask: what is the weather? What are we really predicting? Now, I ain’t no Harvard lawyer like my friend on the prosecution. And I ain’t no private school darling like many of the witnesses for the state we’ve seen here today. In fact, I’m just a simple country lawyer. My daddy grew up on a farm, not three miles down the road – yessir, that’s right on Elm Road, where Mr. Gullis right there in the back has his sweet shop nowadays. My daddy sold him a piece of the land, in fact. So, I got roots here. I know which way the wind blows. And while the witnesses for the prosecution say it was a clear, moonlit night when they saw my client shoot the Widow Sandra Bueller in cold blood on a cold street – well, we all know this time of year which way the wind blows. We know how the thunder rolls down the hills and across the Saturday Creek; how those storms ain’t drop a lick a rain but blow out the sky like ink in a black pot; how those clouds rumble like old man Jenkins’ truck the cain’t never start right. We know these things, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, and while my client – to his OWN admission – may have been NEAR the scene of the crime on the night of the crime, there is no telling, as they say, beyond a REASONABLE doubt, that on that black night, on that stormy night, on that hot night when nobody wanted to go anywhere but in, that it was MY client who shot the gun that killed the Widow Sandra Bueller, a woman, who, in my client’s own words, was like another mother to him. So, ladies and gentlemen – proud citizens of Fulham County, Mississippi – I think you know the right thing to do. I think you well know my client is not guilty. I rest my case, Your Honor.
Thank you, Southern Lawyer. Now, as always, to round out the Monday Minute it’s this week’s horoscope presented by: Shaggy and Scooby.
SHAGGY and SCOOBY: Like, zoinks, Scoob! It’s Cancer season, dude! Really, Raggy? Rut does that mean? It means, like, your chart is off the charts, man! Reeheeheeheehee, Raggy – rats funny! Thanks, Scooby – I came up with it myself. I was just reading this here book doohickey in Old Mr. Wiggum’s library and, ZOINKS, it opened a secret passage, dude! Ruh roh, Raggy – rumthing’s coming! Oh great, it’s the Horror-scope, Scoob! And his prediction is that…we’re totally dead! Especially if Venus is in our Fifth House, and our rising sign is in the Twelfth Node! Ruh-roh, run, Raggy! Rat’s me!
Thanks, fellas – and that’s all for this week’s Monday Minute – see you next week for next week’s news now next week.
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