Good morning! We’re back! Here’s the Monday Minute for all the headlines of the week to come!
TRANSCRIPT BELOW:
Good morning! It’s July 14, 2025, and you’re listening to the Monday Minute!
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As always, this is your host, Jon Pejo, covering the biggest headlines that haven’t even happened yet. Now, you may have noticed that I did not have a broadcast out last week. That was because I was celebrating the Fourth of July in God’s country: Madison, Wisconsin. Here’s the thing: there are no fireworks on the Fourth of July in Madison, Wisconsin. What the fuck is up with that? Would anyone from Wisconsin like to explain that to me? Aren’t you guys a red state now? I would’ve thought your capital city would’ve been trying to blow up the sky with fireworks, but nope! Only thing you were trying to blow up was my ass with all your goddamn cheese curds. Please, get some DEI in your state so your food isn’t just dairy products and bread.
Anyway, I’ll leave my Wisconsin slander at that. Now, for the news of the week, starting with politics! Just this past Friday, the State Department laid off nearly 1,300 career diplomats and foreign service officers in another effort from the Trump Administration to undermine our institutions. In other news, there are now 1,300 career experts in “regime change” who have all the time in the world on their hands.
In pop culture, a new bombshell has entered the villa! That’s right! Sisi the Labubu has joined the cast of Love Island and she’s gunning to literally rip Huda’s head off.
In sports, President Donald Trump was booed by fans at yesterday’s FIFA Club World Cup final. And, in true soccer fan fashion, fans even hurled racial epithets at the President while singing, “My [thing’s] so hard I want a rump / But the best I got are the tits on Trump.”
And now for this week’s weather report, it’s A Witch!
WITCH: EEEEhehehehe. That’s right! Your forecast for this week is DOOM! Ahahahahaha! Beware, traveler, for the skies will be filled with thunder and lightning! Hehehehehehe! The whole world is likened to a cauldron, swirling and swirling its fetid stink, bubbling into blissful storms. Lo! The eye of newt and tail of a donkey, uncircumcised, may prevent the worst of any heat-borne summer storm. But! No promises, for the Unholy Coven of the Lowell Massachusetts Hags has its own plans in store! MWahahahahahaha! Cough, cough, cough. Anyways, yes it’s going to be hot anf muggy again this week, so bring an umbrella – or a broom! Mwahahahahaha!
And, as always, to wrap up the Minute, it’s your weekly horoscope, presented today by: A Wisconsin Dad.
WISCONSIN DAD: Okey, now – I’m goin ta keep it real straight with ya: if you’re an Air sign, watch out! This week’ll have you all clumped up like an exhaust and you’ll have to scoot your boot over to Menard’s to find ya something to fix ya up real quick or else – kaplooey! – you’ll pop on account of all that stress. Here’s the good news, though, Libra and Aquarius, you’re mostly in the clear after Wednesday – the bad luck’ll run through ya like some fresh curds. Gemini, on the other hand, I hate to tell ya, sweetheart, but you’re in the thick of it till Friday. So, sit tight, bundle up and just keep chugging along like you’re walking across Lake Mendota in the middle of spring. Babcock’s is just on the other side, so keep trucking, honey!
The only person I can understand less than a country man from the South is a dad from Wisconsin. In any case, that’s all for this week’s Monday Minute – see you next week for next week’s news now next week.
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