Today’s Monday Minute!…is a little dark…Enjoy!
JON PEJO: Good morning! It’s May 19, 2025 – and you’re listening to the Monday Minute.
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JON PEJO: As you already know, I’m your host, Jon Pejo, and I’ll be giving you the first look at the top headlines of the week so you can be prepared for whatever bullshit comes your way.
Cutting right to the chase: in politics this week, negotiations between NJ Transit and the locomotive engineers will continue with intensity in the lead-up to Memorial Day weekend. To compensate, the New Jersey and New York City governments are prodiving commuters and tourists free passes to say “I’m walking here!” without repercussion.
In cultural news, Joe Biden just can’t catch a break.
In sports, underdog horse Journalism has won the 150th Preakness Stakes. Unfortunately, Journalism will be jailed, deported, and shot by ICE agents by the end of the week.
And now for some sunnier news, it’s the weather report with – uh oh – Your Old Mentor Saying Goodbye.
OLD MENTOR: Hey, kid. It’s good to see ya. What’s that? Oh, sure – yeah, it’s been a minute. No, no – don’t worry about it. You’re all grown up, now. And grown-ups get busy. [winces in pain] Ah! No – it’s fine. It’s just my kidney. It won’t hurt for much longer. Oh, please. Don’t cry. I’ve had a good run. And if you cry it’ll feel like rain – and that’s not in this week’s forecast. Hahaha – that’s right, I’m still the best weatherman around, no matter how many Peabody’s you get. [coughs in pain] So you want one more lesson? One final forecast? Sure, kid. Tonight, it’ll rain. Like you’ve never known before. It’ll be like Noah and the Ark. But when the sun comes up tomorrow – and it will – you’ll wake up to a rainbow. And it’ll be the clearest day you’ve ever seen in your life. Blue sky – not a cloud for miles. And a breeze, following you around everywhere you go, like you’re on a beach in Aruba. Huh? No – I never got to go. And I…I never got to bring your mother, either. That’s right, kid, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner: but I’m your dad. [melodramatic wince] I…love you…….son. [flatline]
JON PEJO: Oof, wow, that was sad. Let’s see if this week’s horoscope can bring it around! And here to present it is – oh, great – An Italian Tour Guide.
ITALIAN TOUR GUIDE: Okei, okei! Everybody! Yes, so, we have come to La Cappella di San Marco Cristoballo in Ritardo, which, eh, translate to the Chapel of San Marco Cristobal who was, eh, ehhh, always late. He was the fattest saint, but he was made a saint perche, he used his fatness to warm people in the winter, poor people, like the, the, the blubber of the balena, the whale. Now, if you look at the portico that, uhh, di, di, di around the base of the cappella, you will see a, ah, story. Specifically, a story of, eh what, the Zodiac. And, ehh, this story tell, of how if you are Pisces, il simbolo Pisces, you are like a, ehh, two-faced bitch – like a liar or Judas. However, if you learn, how to juggle, nocciola, come si dice nocciola – ah, hazelnuts! Which is San Marco Cristobal favorite snack, he will bless you in the form of a person who is a Gemini, who can make a gelato con la nocciola and, ahh, and, ahh everybody have a sweet treat. Yes.
JON PEJO: Welp. I guess that’s better than the dying weatherman. In any case, that’s all for this week’s Monday Minute – see you next week for next week’s news now next week.
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